The Heartbroken & The Heartbreaker (they both suck)

DISCLAIMER: I've deliberately kept this blog general so everyone who reads it can relate and nobody gets his/her feelings hurt

At some point in our lives we'll play the part of the heartbreaker and the heartbroken. Some people find it easy to be the heartbreaker while others can handle being heartbroken, but for me I seem to find both equally hard to deal with and I hate to be either one.

Last year, I met someone who seemed like such a great person. There was great physical chemistry, I was totally attracted to the individual, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for this person. I made a point to do nice things for the individual and I sent out mushy cards expressing my love/feelings, but still knowing better not to overdo it (I'm not the crazy stalker type). Sadly, the person didn't feel the same way about me and I was nothing more than a "fuck buddy". I was devistated, but I knew to let things go because it's not worth being with someone who doesn't feel the same for me.

Anohter situation of being the heartbroken happened way back in my days attending school at the local community college (1998). There was this individual in two of my classes who sat near me. The person looked kinda cute, but I didn't really think anything of it at first, but as the semester went on we developed a friendship and as I got to know this person and saw a wonderful personality, I started to develop "feelings". Back then I was a bit too shy to say anything and it didn't help that this individual wasn't attracted to my "type". The funny thing was I totally KNEW this individual would never go for me and it would never work out, but still I developed a HUGE crush against my better judgement. Sadly, the heart has a mind of it's own in such circumstances and my feelings became deeper and deeper. Anyway, as the semester ended I hoped we'd keep in touch, but that was not the case and my crush faded away (although it seemed FORVER for it to happen LOL). We've bumped into each other a couple times since 1998 and I've seen this individual shopping at my retail job now married and with beautiful daughter, but it's not the same and I know better to chase old ghosts, but I do sometimes sit and wonder if that could have ever been me LOL

Being the heartbroken really does suck because like with both of the above situtaions it seemed like FOREVER for me to get over it. In addition to that, there's that feeling of being worthless, unwanted, or unloved. Although time heals the wounds of a broken heart, it never seems to come fast enough. Also, when one (including myself) have such strong feelings about someone, you never really forget about the person and your feelings for that person does affect what you/I might look for in anohter person.

Although I've been heartbroken, I've also been the heartbreaker. For example, I used to work with a young lady at my former job. She and I hit it off and had a common outlook, but I simply was not attracted to her. Although she never fully admitted that she had feelings for me, one could see it in her actions of calling me multiple times in the day at home and at work to "see how I'm doing" and the cards/photos she gave me. Although she didn't live near where I worked, she always seemed to be "in the area" to visit me. Eventually she caught on that I wasn't into her as she looked at the photos of my ex's and the "types" that I go for and how I used to put so much effort into my online profiles etc... We are cool now, but I do wonder if she's sitting there thinking/wishing I'd give her a chance/make myself have feelings for her.

Also, with the onset me getting involved in online dating, I've had the opportunity to meet a TON of people and I'll say I've met some great poeple, but not always someone who I have feelings for/ an attraction to. There have been a few people I've blocked because I just wasn't into them or gave them the runaround because I just didn't want to commit to a date. I figure if I get to that point, then I'm just leading the person on.

The role of the heart breaker is hard because I know how horrible it feels to be heartbroken and although the person might seem nice, there just isn't an attraction. It's not easy to tell that to a person because there's the fear of hurt feelings. Yeah I could give it a shot because the person seems nice, and overlook the age, the gender, somatotype or whatever annoying habbits that keep me from being attracted to the person, but I know I'd be doing the person a greater disservice by hanging out/dating the person and then the person thinks I'm in "LOVE" or the attraction is mutual.

All in all, when it comes to being a heartbreaker or the heartbroken, I think honesty truly is the best policy. Although it would suck for a person I have feelings for to tell me they're not into me or even use worse words like "you're ugly" LOL, but it's better than me getting hung up on someone to later find out the person isn't interested in me/wants nothing to do with me. Yeah, I'll be hurt but again time will heal the wounds and better it happen sooner than later. Also, with that nonsense out of the way, it will allow me the opportunity to find the person who I do LOVE and the feelings are mutual.