JQHN's Tales

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Eggs in Baskets for the "ONE"

When it came to dating I would always say "it's not good to put all your eggs in one basket" which translates to not putting all my efforts into one person, but instead socialize with many people. I will admit there are some advantages to talking to/dating more than one person, but I'm starting to think there are some flaws to this strategy and also I'm wondering what does one do when you have only one "egg" and there are two or more potential "baskets"?

First allow me to explain the pros and cons of each technique. When it comes to talking to multiple people, you always have someone to talk to/hang out with/date/screw whatever and the more you talk to this person/hang out with him/her you get a feel for what he/she is like and you can determine if he/she is worth keeping and eventually settling down with. If for some reason things don't work out or you don't hit it off with him/her, you have someone else available to concentrate on/rebound with since you have a large social network of potential "dates". Although it sounds nice to have a selection of pepole to choose from, it can be a pain as well. For example, When you're talking to so many people and if you're memory isn't the best, you might start to get names or someone's interests/character traits mixed up. Can you imagine how embrassing it might be to be intimate with someone and to say a different name or make reference to a conversation that you had with someone else thinking it was the person you're currently with who you originally talked to. Also, there are some of those who want to be your one and only and don't like the idea you're talking to other people. Also, when your potential dates know about each other it sorta becomes a competition in which both individuals are fighting for your attention/affection or in worst case scenario both competing individuals team up and go against you.

On the other hand, if you just concentrate on one person at a time, you definitely aviod all that drama of people competing for your affection/attention and there will be no mistaking names, characteristics, or conversations. You're definitely able to make that person your priorty and you're able to spend more time with him/her since you don't have to juggle multiple people. Yeah, it sounds great, but what happens if things go sour or you've spent so much time on on person only to find out he/she isn't interested in you. All that time you could have met someone better, was wasted because you put all your efforts in that one person. All the IM's you ignored or messages you deleted on your profile from other potential "dates" because you spent so much time and effort with only one person.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a supporter of "open relationships" and when I'm with the "one" that person is my one and only priorty, but it's just when it comes to dating I feel you should see what's out there by talking to/dating multiple people until you find the "one", but again my question/concern is among the people I've socialized with who is the "one". I definitely won't know that by spreading myself out among however many people, but if I concentrate on one I'll never know if the others have the potential to be the "one". Also, when/if I make a choice someone is/will be hurt and that can ruin my chances of ever getting back with the person or knowing if the person is the "one" if things didn't work out with my first choice.

Anyway, maybe it's just best if I just keep my eggs in my own basket and not think in terms of who is the "one", but instead enjoy everyone as a friend and let that person decide if I'm the "one".

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