Trash it all and learn to let go

Since I had nothing better to do last night, I decided to tackle some much over do house cleaning. For the past couople months I've been slowly but surely moving out of my bedroom and moving myself into a much larger room in my basement. After many trips to Ikea, I've furnished the room downstairs and I've even bought a bed for it.

Anyway, last night I started the task of moving a LOT of my personal gear into this new room and in doing so I'd come to the conslusion that I have way too much crap. I could not believe the many useless things I have collected over the years. For example, I had stacks of unopened junkmail (and some of it was over a year old), magazines, newspapers etc..... I have absolutely NO idea why I had kept such stuff. Maybe I thought I'd get around to it or I would find a use for it. In addition to that paper junk, my closet/drawers were literally overflowing with clothing. It's funny I'm the type who never feels as if I have enough clothing, but my closet/drawers say otherwise. I don't know why I feel the need to have so much clothing and to keep buying it.

Being tired of this mess of junk, I spent the better part of last night sorting through my paper junk and eventually trashing EVERYTHING. As for my clothing, I've sorted everything out and filled three trash bags with my unwanted clothing. I figured what's the point of keeping this stuff if I never wear it. Also, with the hurricanes that keep hitting the gulf coast, I'm sure I can donate it to some charity or if needed I'll drop it off at a Goodwill store or Salvation Army.

I will say all that sorting/trashing took a LOT of time and it did get annoying after a while and I don't want to have to keep doing such things every so often. I need to learn not to hold onto things so much and to just let things go.

Now the real question is.......was this blog really worth writing or should I have let it go?

No, You're the one that's ugly!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of hanging out with my ex. From talking to him and from other individuals in the MD/DC area, I'd find out how small the gay community is. It seems like everybody knows someone from somewhere or has dated somebody who knows someone from somewhere etc...... Anyway, he knows the jerk I hung out with earlier this year ("Sinking or Swimming in Dating Pool"). If you remember that entry, the guy only hung out with me for like 20 minutes and then split using the excuse that "he had to talk to his father" and he used the famous Bullshit line of "it's not you, but it's all me". According to my ex, the guy thought I was "ugly" and I "looked cuter in pics". He also told my ex "How could you have stayed with him for four months". I'm not surprized that he didn't like me since the date was so short, but I can't say that such statements don't offend me. Who is he to say such things? When I saw/met him he wasn't that great looking himself and he was so stupid. He could have thought up a better excuse to break the date than "I need to talk to my father".

Anyway, I could go on about him/this, but is it really worth it? Who the hell is he to me and does his opinion really matter? Well, maybe it does in a sense because I'm here writing this blog about him/his comments. You see, growing up and in highschool I've always been labeled as "ugly" or unattractive by my peers and I used to believe them. As a teen I used to have such low self esteem and a horrible self image. It took me many years to over come that adversity and to truly start liking/accpeting myself. I'd realize that many of my peers weren't right about me being "ugly", but were just insecure with themselves.

All in all, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I truly can't please everyone, and there are people and I'll probably still continue to meet people who will find me "ugly", but all I can do is be true to myself, live my life, and treat people the way I wish to be treated no matter how ugly or beautiful they may be.

The Ugliness of Prejudice

Sometimes there's a movie one might watch and it totally changes your outlook on life and how you view yourself. I'd say that happened to me last night when I saw the movie "Crash" with two friends. For those unfamilar with the movie, I'll post a synopsis courtesy of Moviephone.com....

Issues of race and gender cause a group of strangers in Los Angeles to physically and emotionally collide in this drama from director and screenwriter Paul Haggis. Graham (Don Cheadle) is a police detective whose brother is a street criminal, and it hurts him to know his mother cares more about his ne'er-do-well brother than him. Graham's partner is Ria (Jennifer Esposito), who is also his girlfriend, though she has begun to bristle at his emotional distance, as well as his occasional insensitivity over the fact he's African-American and she's Hispanic. Rick (Brendan Fraser) is an L.A. district attorney whose wife, Jean (Sandra Bullock), makes little secret of her fear and hatred of people unlike herself. Jean's worst imaginings about people of color are confirmed when her SUV is carjacked by two African-American men -- Anthony (Chris Bridges, aka Ludacris), who dislikes white people as much as Jean hates blacks, and Peter (Larenz Tate), who is more open minded. Cameron (Terrence Howard) is a well-to-do African-American television producer with a beautiful wife, Christine (Thandie Newton). While coming home from a party, Cameron and Christine are pulled over by Officer Ryan (Matt Dillon), who subjects them to a humiliating interrogation (and her to an inappropriate search) while his new partner, Officer Hansen (Ryan Phillippe), looks on. Daniel (Michael Pena) is a hard-working locksmith and dedicated father who discovers that his looks don't lead many of his customers to trust him. And Farhad (Shaun Toub) is a Middle Eastern shopkeeper who is so constantly threatened in the wake of the 9/11 attacks that he decided he needs a gun to defend his family. Crash was the first directorial project for award-winning television and film writer Haggis. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Ok, now you're filled in on what the movie is about and here is where I'll add my two cents. First of all I was amzaed at how many issues of discrimination/prejudice the movie brought up and how it didn't put one race as being the sole source of hatred. When it comes to prejudice, we're all guilty of it no matter what our race might be. I'll even admit that I've been prejudice towards certain groups of people and even within my own race/sexual orientation. It really is such a terrible thing that we're so disconnected due to our physical appearances and prejudices and the negative stereotypes we all believe somewhere hidden in our subconcious. It's also amazing how one thing such as a "crash" can force everyone's lives to interract and deal with such issues of prejudice. Although the movie didn't necessarily solve the hatred of prejudice, each character learned soemthing about themselves and how he/she views the world and I think that rubbed off on myself and other viewers who've seen the moive and I'm definitely not proud of any prejudice/hatred I may have shown twoards or thought of others.

Anyway, with all of that being said, I do have a few criticizms about the movie. I didn't see any gay characters or disabled characters. If any group of people are discriminated against or shown prejudice it's those two groups.

As a gay man, I've been harrassed, called horrible names, lost a job, had rumors spread about me, people not wanting to be my friend, etc....We're a group that can't openly serve in the military or marry the one we love. Some of us can't adopt children or people don't want us around thier kids teaching in schools or working in hospitals for fear that we might "turn people gay" or "give people AIDS".... it's horrible what people say or try to keep us from doing. We're americans as well and we deserve the same rights as everyone else

As far as disabled people are concerned, I currently work for a non-profit organization where we assist disabled adults with findng gainful employment, but that is a challange in itself. Many employers ignore us or deny the disabled adults opportunites. The employers always come up with excuses like.... "We're not hiring right now" (despite the fact there's a sing outside) or "We don't have the $ in our budget" or they expect them to do the unexpectable. When I'm taking the individuals out in public people move away from us and give us strange looks.

Despite the fact the movie didn't deal with the issues of prejudice towards gays or disabled people, "Crash" was still a good movie and I highly reccomend it, but the question is if you can handle it because it will definitley make you think twice the next time you say/think such words as Honkey, Whitey, Nigger, Spic, Rag Head, Faggot, Retard, and for believing any negative stereotype about a certain race or religion.

Blog Spam?

"What's with all this F* advertising? You people need to get a life!"

Of all the comments I've recieved after posting my blog last night, this was the only one that actually came from a friend. Maybe I'm naive, but I never thought I'd recieve f-ing spam on a blog site. Who do these people think they are? Do they really think I'm gonna believe their BS of "you're blog is interesting" followed by "Get weight loss tips from my site" etc..... Although it's annoying, I will amdit it's kinda funny and I wonder if there is anyone who is stupid enough to fall for that spam?