Life's Questions

If I were offered to relive the last 10 years, I wonder if I'd accept. When I was younger there seemed to be a future and the posibilities were infinite. Also, time wasn't a worry and it did not betray my dreams. Although I still have dreams, my dreams seem harder to achieve now that 10 years have past and as I've become bogged down with work related responsibilities and commitments. There is so much I want to do, but as I get older it seems that my time is getting shorter. What purpose was I born and why was I given what feels like such a short moment of time. I don't want to be one of those who die with regret and is sorry for the things I've done/left undone.
I know I'm only 28 and I'm sure I've still got many more years ahead of me, but that's something you never truly know. I could easily die tomorrow and if that were the case would I truly look back and say I was proud of all my accomplishments. Am I working a job that fulfils me? Am I really living life to it's fullest? Am I doing enough to make this world a better place? Have I truly experienced LOVE? Have I really seen/said it all?
-If I'm still around in 10 years maybe I'll have answered those questions or will I look back at 28 and think of the many opportuniteis around that I wasn't aware of?

"A" is not for Abercrombie

This past weekend I definitely learned that no matter how cute or sexy a person might be there has to be some substance behind the appearance for me to find the individual remotely attractive.

Again, through the magic of myspace, I meet someone a little while ago and this person was HOT. I'll call the individaul "Abercrombie" because he works there and he looks like one of their infamous models (VERY SEXY). Anyway, looking at Abercrombie's profile, the individual seemed very popular with the boys and had over 800 plus friends and for whatever reasons this person wanted to add me. We talked online for a while, but our conversations didn't go much beyond talking about sex and what we'd do with each other etc... Based on that and how the individual presented himself in his profile, I had a gut feeling that this person would be very shallow and anything we would do would most likely involve sex/fooling around. I really didn't see he and I hanging out or him attending social functions with my friends Despite my gut feeling, we met up on Sunday and we attempted to mess around, but despite Abercrombie's "hotness" I just couldn't do anything. Although I've had my moments of screwing around/being a slut LOL, I'm just not the type of person who can have sex on a whim and also I tend to associate sex with love. Yes, I'lll admit physical attraction is very important when making "love", but there just has got to be more foundations for me than that. If I'm intimate with someone, I want it to be with someone who I love and who I believe loves me back. Anyway, despite my attempts and the tempation, I just couldn't go through with it and Abercrombie went on his way. At the time I wasn't sure what to think, because I've always dreamed of messing around with someone so "hot" and it was literally an open invitation, but I guess my REAL head took charge of my OTHER head. (which I was clearly thinking with at first)

Also, while Abercrombie was in my company I couldn't seem to get "A" out of my head. "A" is an individual I met about a month ago at a friend's B-day celebration. Despite the fact I already had a "date" for that event, "A" approaches me and flirts with me a bit. When I first saw "A" I couldn't say I was completely attracted to him, but he did have a unique cuteness and he was a nice guy. Anyway, feeling bad that I didn't get a chance to talk to him, I sent him a message through myspace (everybody seems to have on of those profiles)and we've talked/hung out since then. Despite the fact "A" doesn't look like an Abercrombie model, "A" does have a distinct cuteness, he's a really fun guy to be around, and he's just nice. He and I do have some common friends and interests. Also, "A" seems open to trying/dong new things as am I. The only disadvantages with "A" is that he is friends with "J" and that they have messed around before, has used drugs, and is very much involved in the party scene. The friendship with "J" definitely makes things awkward for me, and I've stopped using drugs 10 years and going strong, and although I love a good party, I'm not the type who likes to go out every weekend and stay out until 5 or 7am.

Anyway, maybe I'm just looking into things too much and I should just enjoy the times I do have with "A" and see what happens if anything beyond what it is now. Again, some of my previous mistakes have been putting all my eggs in one basket or rushing into things and now after my exeprience with Abercrombie, I've learned that there's gotta be a LOT more than just cuteness to score with me.

For My Two Fans

Well, after 12 weeks of training and exams over the past two days, I'm an official state of Maryland disability claims adjudicator. Although I posted a blog about this job a couple days ago, I did not have the results from any of my testing/training, I just wanted to post this blog to make everything offiical and to update my fanbase. Who knows maybe there is actually more than two people out there reading this?

Official Adjudicator?

Since starting my new job in November of last year, I've been training, learning, processing claims, and making many mistakes along the way, but as of today I'm finished with my training and if everything goes well, I'll be an offcial disability claims adjudicator for the state of Maryland, but is that what I want?

I remeber the day I interviewed for this job and how great it seemed. With it being a government job it would definitely pay way more than any job I had worked before and with the pay comes benefits and stability. I'd say the increase in $ and the ability to get out of the job I was currently working was definitely a nice incentive, but I wasn't sure what I was getting into. Also, I knew the drive would be a long one, but I wasn't aware of how much $ I've been investing in gas to get to and from work and how many times I'd be stuck in traffic.

In additon to all that, the work itself is not anything that I was use to. Before starting this job, I worked for a non-profit agency where it was my job to help disabled individuals find gainful employment in the community and do so hands on in a classroom setting/going out in public. With my new job, I'm at the other end of the spectrum where I'm work with individuals who allege a disability because they don't want to work or can't work and it is my job to gather the necessary medical information over the phone/computer and then determine if the individual is disabled and deserves $ from the government. Although I'm still new and there isn't any major expectations for me, it's my job to process each claim as quickly and acurately as possible as I'm constantly assigned new cases. It sounds easy enough, but with it being a goverment job there are so many rules/regulations/exceptions to keep track of that it can become mind numbing.

I know I seem a little stressed about this job, but I'm sure I'll be fine becuase I will admit I'm starting to learn some things and I was able to clear a case today with minimal assistance from my supervisor. I've been told by others who've worked there a while that the job gets easier with experience and that individuals who've been there for years are still learning how to do the job.

If for some reason I continue to have difficulty understanding or can't processing claims as fast as my peers. I know they can't afford to fire me (not that I'm doing that bad LOL). From what I was told they're extremely backed up with cases and for every two people who quit/retire they can only hire one person for replacement. Also, the myth about government jobs not firing people seems to be true (provided that I don't do anything really stupid, such as do drugs at work, steal, etc...)

All in all, maybe I'm my own worst critic when it comes to my preformance at this job or I'm just a little overwhelmed with everything this job involves, but I have to remember the reason why I wanted to do this job in the first place and that's to learn a skill, save some $, and then follow my REAL dream of cutting men's hair. I've just got to keep things in perspective.

The Blog That Isn't

It's funny how I go online with the intention to write a nice long blog, but between all the IM's and the difficulty I seem to be having signing onto this site, by the time I do have a free moment to write my blog I totally forget what I wanted to write about.
I think this means that I just spend too much of my time online chatting with people or writing about things in the context of my blog. Some nights I come home from work and I immediately sign online and then the next moment 4 or 5 hours have past. I should really use that time do actually hang out with people or do things constructive. Although I have gotten better with hanging making time to be social and hang out with my friends, I wil say it's been ages since I've read a good book or set aside time to practice my talents. I remember how much I used to draw and paint or write poetry/comic book stories. I really do have a LOT of stories I'd love to tell and nobody will ever know them if I'm online all the time.
Although I'm currently bitching about being online, I'm not going to completely knock it because if it wasn't for being online I'd probably never have met some of the wonderful people I currently talk to/hang out with. For example, I've met some great people who live out of state and the internet and these IM conversations have brought us all a lot closer. Also, it's cool when you find a person who has similar interests, career goals, etc. such as Cedric ; )*see I made reference to you* LOL
All in all, I know going online can be a great way to meet people and talk to people you probably wouldn't come into contact with due to the distance. I think I should just limit my time and use this time to pursue my interests/talents. Maybe this inability to sign onto this site is a blessing?

Final Blog?/ Security Officer JQHN

Part ONE: Final Blog?

Before I get started writing this blog, I'm gonna vent a bit of frustration I seem to be having with this site. Everytime I seem to sign on, I'm booted out and unable to write my blog. I have to click a link to a friend's blog and then go to create a blog to even access my blog, but that doesn't always work and I'm booted offline again : ( I'm thinking I may have contacted virus from this site or from one of those damn spammers who posted a bunch of fake comments on an entry I wrote a while ago. I had a similar problem happen to my profile on "Friendster.com" where for whatever reasons, I can't sign onto the site from my PC and I can't access my profile. I remember running my virus scan in my computer, but that didn't change anything. I then called the AOL tech support # and I was informed that I had a "webvirus" or something like that and my only option would be to reinstall my AOL. Anyway, this is all a big nusiance and I'm gonna be annoyed if I can't log onto blogspot anymore and can't write the blogs that I want. I've now got a year's worth of stories and it would be a shame if I had to start all over again with another blog site and if this were my final blog. I hope that's not the case.

Part Two: Security Officer JQHN

Ok, now that I have vented my frustration, I can write about some interesting events that took place today at work (the retail job) where I was able to expand my duties as a customer service manager to that of a security officer (sorta).

The day started off normal enough, I reported to the checkout area to get my daily assignment and I was asked to make a change order. When I was in the back room, getting the change, I saw the manager talking with the store security about a ring of bad checks that have been accpeted recently. (I've not been there in over a week so I'm not responsible for accpeting the bad checks) Anyway, The manger showed me the bad check and it was written the previous day for over three-hundred dollars. It was also printed on a lesser quality of paper from regular checks and it lacked a bank logo. The manager makes a big stink to make sure I don't accept any bad checks and to inform my coworkers of this. I was even given a list of names of customers notorious for writing bad checks. Anyway, for much of the day things are uneventful until later that evening. While I was working at customer service, I see the store's security officer run out of the store. Since I didn't have any customers at the moment, and I'll admit I was gonna be nosy too, I ran outside to see what's going on. I see the officer wrestling with this woman outside. She's in her mid 30's, caucasian, out of shape build, dirty blonde hair, wearing glasses and dressed frumpy. The whole time she's screaming (she sounded like a pig squealing) and wrestling with the security officer. Seeing that he's having a hard time, and wanting a piece of the action, I jump right in and help him restrain her. We then drag her inside and handcuff her. Apparently she had an accomplace, but she got away. The police were promptly called and I come to find out this was the woman who wrote the bad check from the day before. Apparently, she was trying to buy another $300 worth of merchandise from the store with her bad check. While she was trying to pay for the merchandise, her friend/partner in crime bolts out of the store with half the merchandise. When she was trying to leave, that's when the security nad myself grabbed her.

As the police were looking through her purse, they noticed that she had a stack of fake checks, many credit cards, and a fake gov't/firefigher ID. Everything item in her purse had a different name. Anyway, she was taken into custody and from what I hear she is gonna be charged with shoplifting, falsifying documents(bad checks), and from what I hear the fake gov't ID is a MAJOR offense.

Since we were able to catch this person, we were able to recover some of the merchandise. Looking at the merchandise, it was all crap. It contained a bunch of random stuff and junk food items. I just don't understand why would someone go through all that trouble for items at K-mart LOL. Seriously, with me working in the social services field I know there are a LOT of progams available to help people so there really isn't a need for someone to go through all that trouble stealing/scaming for items. Sadly, there are just people who don't want to be helped and are content stealing/scaming for money/material items, but I guess as long as "Security Officer JQHN" is here these criminals better think twice comming to my store LOL

END NOTE:
-If for some reason I'm unalbe to write any more blogs due to some stupid virus, I'll say that this blog was a nice way to go out on LOL